A Little About Code 4 Couples and Cyndi Doyle, LPCS, NCC, CDWF, CCISM
I have been working as a licensed therapist (Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas) addressing mental health and relationship issues since 1998. I met the man that would be my husband later that same year. During our dating relationship, he told me how unhappy he was in his career path and how he always wanted to be a police officer. I have always loved helping others to become the best possible version of themselves and the relationships they want. I listened, supported, and encouraged. We were married in May 2000 and he started working as an officer a month later. We walked the journey together and we had no idea really what to expect.
I had an idea of what marriage would and should be and the reality of that has been very different. I never expected to feel so alone in much of my marriage. I didn’t fit in with my married friends who were going places with their spouses and I found very quickly hanging out with my single friends was not the place I belonged either. There were years (and I do mean YEARS) when my hubby and I were two people seeing each other in passing (or sleeping) and an occasional evening together during a weekday night. We had challenges of staying connected, feeling like I was important instead of just the department, anger and frustration about missing holidays and family vacations, managing my own fears and anxieties, dealing with the effects of hypervigilance and the chronic stress and trauma of the job, and maintaining intimacy and a sex life.
It took me a while to understand that I needed to learn about his world in order to function more effectively in my own and in ours together. I started reading and asking questions instead of being annoyed. I recognized there were tools I had in my own tool box that could enhance our relationship that were getting stale because of my resentment. I started empathizing with his world instead of feeling sorry for myself. We set up rituals and other ways to stay connected. Along the way we’ve had the disappointment of not having children and made it through other personal struggles and traumas. We’re not perfect but we have become stronger by turning to each other for support and figured out some of what works for us.
I decided to become even more educated and specialized with couples through additional training with the Gottman Institute (www.gottman.com); which has included more research based information of what makes couples work in addition to surviving affairs, trauma and parenting. I’m a Certified Seven Principles Educator for Gottman. Brené Brown inspired me with her TED Talk on vulnerability, which sounds very mushy I know but check it out. 25 million people can’t be wrong! I started being more authentic and honest in my relationship and encouraged my hubby to do the same. I am now a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator for her and teach Daring Way workshops which helps individuals and couples live more authentically (no more egg shells or perfection for me!) as well as Rising Strong which teaches how to get up after you have “metaphorically” fallen down.
I believe and love what I do. I believe in marriage. I believe and support law enforcement. I hope that this site and what I post will help you to move through ups and downs and have a strong, healthy relationship with your LEO! Keep it Code 4!
Code 4 Couples is the brain child of Cyndi Doyle, Licensed Professional Counselor and Law Enforcement Officer Wife. She has a passion for helping to Law Enforcement Couples with her personal experience of being married to a Law Enforcement Officer and her professional expertise as a psychotherapist in private practice that works to with individuals and couple to create authentic and intimate lives. She has co-owned a group private practice for the past 8 years in Denton, TX. Her additional training includes Certification in Critical Incident Stress Management and serving on a CISM team in the DFW area. She was selected by the Office of the Governor to be one of 3 mental health professionals to serve on a statewide work group focusing on Mental Health Access for First Responders in response to Texas HB 1794.